I hope you don’t mind me doing something silly with this.
_____________________________________
“Would you like a seat? I’ll make sure to get the extra-wide one for you.”
“So here’s your table for one. As if that’s a surprise.”
“Wow, that order is just plain fucking disgusting. Did you like being called a pig, then? Because you really seem to enjoy being one.”
“Oh, did you expect a nice little conversation with me? You know what, fine. I’d like to hear whatever pathetic thing es for small talk in your mind. I’ll need some entertainment to get through the hell of being around you.”
”Pffft- seriously!? Your opener was ‘what’s your favourite anime’!? What kind of weebshit loser do you take me for? C’mon pig, you can do better than that.”
“Holy fuck, I can’t believe I was wrong. Comics? That was your backup plan? You just lost the right to talk to me.”
“I would say I don’t take bribes, but… hm. How much have you got on you?”
“Oh wow, a hundred bucks just to talk to a girl. I guess that explains why your dumpy ass decided walking into a maid cafe was a good idea. Tell me, how lonely are you? I bet your best friend is a body pillow.”
“Welp, food’s finally here. Time to watch you dig into your slop.”
“Ugh. Watching you eat is like watching my mom’s house getting torn apart by a tornado. It’s loud, terrifying, and somewhere deep down inside of me a little piece of my soul dies.”
“Oh goodie, you ordered dessert too. As if you weren’t bloated enough.”
“Are you seriously offering to feed me that? Hell no, you’re not getting me to do some cutesy shit like that. Just for that I’m taking the whole plate.”
“You know what, this is good cheesecake! Way better than you deserve, piggie.”
“Alright, so now that your meal is over, do you think you could stop wasting my time and pay the cheque? I’d really like to go serve someone who’s worth half a damn.”
“You best cough up that tip you loser or I won’t hesitate to kick your pathetic ass out to the curb.”
“I hope I never see you here again, you little shit pig. Your mere presence here has forever tainted this cafe’s reputation and I’m pretty sure your sweaty ass has tanked the health rating too.”
“Thanks for the money, though. At least your wallet’s as fat as you are.”
__________________________________________
[Yelp For Help Reviews: Malefic Maids Caustic Cafe] [5/5 stars]
First moment after I went through the doors I was met with this adorable little goth girl. She only came up to my shoulder, she was so tiny. She insulted me, belittled me, made fun of my weight and my interests, and did everything she could to make me feel like shit. She was an absolute tsun-tsun cutie and it was the best thing ever. I basically had a tent the whole time. It was a good thing the table was there, otherwise she might’ve actually kicked my ass instead of just threatening to.
I think I gave her over two hundred dollars in cash total. I have never felt less robbed in my whole life. Food is good, and somehow even better when the waitstaff steal it from you. Would recommend.
i bet this is your fetish
Maybe. Please hurt me emotionally. Seriously though she’s super hot when she’s like this.
Yay he likes it!
that’s the sruff
[trying to look innocent] Nooooooo
_____________________________________
“Would you like a seat? I’ll make sure to get the extra-wide one for you.”
“So here’s your table for one. As if that’s a surprise.”
“Wow, that order is just plain fucking disgusting. Did you like being called a pig, then? Because you really seem to enjoy being one.”
“Oh, did you expect a nice little conversation with me? You know what, fine. I’d like to hear whatever pathetic thing es for small talk in your mind. I’ll need some entertainment to get through the hell of being around you.”
”Pffft- seriously!? Your opener was ‘what’s your favourite anime’!? What kind of weebshit loser do you take me for? C’mon pig, you can do better than that.”
“Holy fuck, I can’t believe I was wrong. Comics? That was your backup plan? You just lost the right to talk to me.”
“I would say I don’t take bribes, but… hm. How much have you got on you?”
“Oh wow, a hundred bucks just to talk to a girl. I guess that explains why your dumpy ass decided walking into a maid cafe was a good idea. Tell me, how lonely are you? I bet your best friend is a body pillow.”
“Welp, food’s finally here. Time to watch you dig into your slop.”
“Ugh. Watching you eat is like watching my mom’s house getting torn apart by a tornado. It’s loud, terrifying, and somewhere deep down inside of me a little piece of my soul dies.”
“Oh goodie, you ordered dessert too. As if you weren’t bloated enough.”
“Are you seriously offering to feed me that? Hell no, you’re not getting me to do some cutesy shit like that. Just for that I’m taking the whole plate.”
“You know what, this is good cheesecake! Way better than you deserve, piggie.”
“Alright, so now that your meal is over, do you think you could stop wasting my time and pay the cheque? I’d really like to go serve someone who’s worth half a damn.”
“You best cough up that tip you loser or I won’t hesitate to kick your pathetic ass out to the curb.”
“I hope I never see you here again, you little shit pig. Your mere presence here has forever tainted this cafe’s reputation and I’m pretty sure your sweaty ass has tanked the health rating too.”
“Thanks for the money, though. At least your wallet’s as fat as you are.”
__________________________________________
[Yelp For Help Reviews: Malefic Maids Caustic Cafe]
[5/5 stars]
First moment after I went through the doors I was met with this adorable little goth girl. She only came up to my shoulder, she was so tiny. She insulted me, belittled me, made fun of my weight and my interests, and did everything she could to make me feel like shit. She was an absolute tsun-tsun cutie and it was the best thing ever. I basically had a tent the whole time. It was a good thing the table was there, otherwise she might’ve actually kicked my ass instead of just threatening to.
I think I gave her over two hundred dollars in cash total. I have never felt less robbed in my whole life. Food is good, and somehow even better when the waitstaff steal it from you. Would recommend.
Maybe. Please hurt me emotionally. Seriously though she’s super hot when she’s like this.
Edited